In New Zealand, the decision to have children is a deeply personal and multifaceted one, influenced by a tapestry of emotions, cultural expectations, and personal aspirations.
While some Kiwis feel a strong, unwavering desire to start a family, others grapple with a mix of excitement and hesitation.
This decision is often contemplated during significant periods such as the various stages of pregnancy or events like Infertility Awareness Month (which is in June), highlighting both the joys and challenges associated with starting a family.
Here, some Kiwis share why they want kids...
The Magic Of Childhood
One compelling reason for wanting children is the desire to recreate the magic and wonder of one's own childhood. As one 25-year-old prospective parent expressed, "I miss the days when birthdays, Easter, and Christmases felt magical." For many, these moments of enchantment and joy, crafted lovingly by their own parents, represent an irreplaceable part of their upbringing. The prospect of bringing this same sense of wonder to their own children is a powerful motivator. It is a way to relive the innocence and beauty of childhood through the eyes of their children, creating new memories and traditions.
The Gift Of Unconditional Love
Another significant motivator is the unique, profound love that comes with raising a child. Many parents-to-be are excited about the opportunity to experience this deep, unconditional love. As one 27-year-old single person puts it, "I am excited at the idea of raising a kid. To have someone to teach, to love, to raise." The notion of nurturing a new life, imparting values and lessons, and forming a bond unlike any other is a potent draw. This emotional connection, while accompanied by challenges, promises a fulfillment and joy that many find unparalleled.
Creating A Shared Legacy
For some Kiwis, having children is about building and leaving a legacy. This desire goes beyond mere personal fulfillment; it is about contributing to the continuity of family and society. "I want to leave a legacy," a 41-year-old mum of 2 noted, highlighting a wish to impart wisdom, values, and traditions to the next generation. This sentiment often includes a deep-seated hope to shape the future through their offspring, ensuring that a part of themselves continues to influence the world long after they are gone.
Strengthening Relationships
The desire to enhance and solidify the bond with a partner is another reason many New Zealanders look forward to having children. A 23-year-old woman shared, "I recently got married, and I can't imagine a better representation for the love my husband and I share, than raising a child together." For many couples, starting a family is seen as the next natural step in their relationship, a way to deepen their connection and share the joys and challenges of parenting. The idea of raising a child together can strengthen the partnership, bringing couples closer through shared experiences and responsibilities.
Societal Expectations And Realities
Despite these positive motivations, some Kiwis also acknowledge the societal expectations and practical challenges associated with raising children. One dad of 3, who's also expecting his first grandchild, candidly admitted, "It was expected of us. It's actually a net loss, there's nothing much to be gained.
"Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I love being a dad but knowing what I know now, the 'desire' to have kids might be the biggest con of God. We 'desire' kids of our own but it's difficult to raise kids: It costs money, effort, sweat and tears. Yes, I experience love like I've never experienced before but I now have fears I've never had before too. There's definitely more cons than pros to having kids but I won't have it any other way."
The reality is, even with these challenges, many wouldn't trade the experience for anything else, embracing the complexities of parenthood wholeheartedly.
One 36-year-old woman who's been trying to conceive for a year, concluded by saying, "I believe there's an innate desire in all of us to procreate, to love and to hope, but I ask myself daily, if my child were to be born with a learning or physical disability, would I still want or 'desire' them. And ever since my answer became 'Yes' was only when my husband and I started trying for a baby."